Well, I haven't been on this in forever. Forgot I even had it until I tried to comment on something here. I realize my blog seems pretty depressing.
I don't want to come off as an emo bitch, but I wasn't the happiest person a year or two ago. I'm still not the happiest, but I've realized many things. Maybe I didn't really like those two girls, and I really just wanted to hang out with someone and be with someone other than my two usual friends who are assholes.
The 'friend' is still an ass, but also a moron. He acts as if he has a political standpoint on everything, and that he could solve everything with his own ideas. He's 16.
He talks as if he's some kind of 'revolutionary' with a cause and (quote, unquote) "..Just wants the best for people." Even though he hates anyone who's not atheist or vegetarian or vegan. He also hates Republicans. I might agree on some ideas of his to a point, but saying that he wants the best for people is just a joke. At least I can live with people and understand what they're thinking to a point. I might not always agree with them, but you can't get anywhere in life if you can't understand their ways of thinking. Reality will hit him like a fucking rock someday.
Other than that, not a whole lot has changed. I'm never really happy anymore, my emotions change hourly, it seems. Still haven't had a girlfriend, and I probably never will. But, oh well!
Someday I'm going to leave this state and everything in it behind and live my way. Maybe then I'll be happy?
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Saturday, May 16, 2009
A New Day.
Song - Last Night On Earth/East Jesus Nowhere ~ Green Day
Something strange occurred to me.
I went over to my friends house last night to listen to the new 21st Century Breakdown cd. We both had it but made a pact to not listen to it til' we were together. (it was historic I guess). After listening to it, we went out around his neighborhood and talked for awhile. It felt good to finally say what I was thinking to someone. We both apparently have feelings like everyone hates us. I told him that I was paranoid about everyone hating me and I feel like even he hates me. I don't know why, but this made me.. feel better. I was happy for the first time in a long time. It was raining since we first left, so we were both soaking wet. We did the usual outside, ding dong ditched. When we got back to his house, it was weird. It was like we were a freakin' couple, we were almost too nice to each other. This morning when we woke up, it was great. We were both listening to the new album, ate some donuts, played mario kart, and then I went home. Very strange..
In other shit, I still like those two girls. My friens ex-gf seems to still be ignoring me. And the other girl kind of pisses me off. She slept with her ex-bf that cheated on her, then gave the "friends ex-gf's brother" a blowjob. Then went out with a guy for a day and broke up. And I still haven't talked to her in awhile. It really makes me angry when I think about it.
So I'll just keep listening to the new album for now. =P ~peace.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
April 28th, 2009.
Song: Are We The Waiting - Green Day
I have to admit, it's very hard for me to write these blogs. I'm too lazy, for one, and I don't really have the time. I think I need a therapist or something, someone who will actually listen to me for once.
I think I might have anxiety, I looked up the symptoms, and I seem to fit every one of them. Well, to make it easy for me, I'm just going to post what happened through my whole day, by class hours.
1st hour: one of my favorite hours because it's an internet class. People called me a creeper like usual because I wear the same hoodie everyday.
2nd: my stupid, asian ass teacher always makes us turn everything in the minute we walk in, so I couldn't finish my fucking vocab in time. What a bitch. the usual piece of shit trailer trash kid didn't smack the shit out of me today, which was a relief for once.
3rd: biology, with mr. gingerich. THEE worst teacher anyone could ever have. He gave my 'friend' a panic attack at the beginning of the year. He yelled at him right in his face.
4th: math. My favorite teacher, and I have this really cool black kid in that class that is funny as hell. But, I have a D in that class that I can't seem to get back up.
5th: history. my teacher was out for 2 weeks because he had appendicitis. the black kid is in that class too, so it's pretty fun. I have a feeling it's going to get bad again though, because he's starting to feel better (my teacher.)
6th: health. I'm starting to hate that class. I have like 29 tardies from the whole year in that class. that old bastard follows by ALL the rules.
After school, came home. No one's online. I haven't talked to the 2 girls that I like in the last 2 days. My 'friends' ex-gf seems to be ignoring me or something. She all of a sudden became a bitch and told my 'friend' that I used to like her. (ya' see, she thinks I don't like her anymore.)
So yeah, just a normal day. I'll try to update each day if I can.
I have to admit, it's very hard for me to write these blogs. I'm too lazy, for one, and I don't really have the time. I think I need a therapist or something, someone who will actually listen to me for once.
I think I might have anxiety, I looked up the symptoms, and I seem to fit every one of them. Well, to make it easy for me, I'm just going to post what happened through my whole day, by class hours.
1st hour: one of my favorite hours because it's an internet class. People called me a creeper like usual because I wear the same hoodie everyday.
2nd: my stupid, asian ass teacher always makes us turn everything in the minute we walk in, so I couldn't finish my fucking vocab in time. What a bitch. the usual piece of shit trailer trash kid didn't smack the shit out of me today, which was a relief for once.
3rd: biology, with mr. gingerich. THEE worst teacher anyone could ever have. He gave my 'friend' a panic attack at the beginning of the year. He yelled at him right in his face.
4th: math. My favorite teacher, and I have this really cool black kid in that class that is funny as hell. But, I have a D in that class that I can't seem to get back up.
5th: history. my teacher was out for 2 weeks because he had appendicitis. the black kid is in that class too, so it's pretty fun. I have a feeling it's going to get bad again though, because he's starting to feel better (my teacher.)
6th: health. I'm starting to hate that class. I have like 29 tardies from the whole year in that class. that old bastard follows by ALL the rules.
After school, came home. No one's online. I haven't talked to the 2 girls that I like in the last 2 days. My 'friends' ex-gf seems to be ignoring me or something. She all of a sudden became a bitch and told my 'friend' that I used to like her. (ya' see, she thinks I don't like her anymore.)
So yeah, just a normal day. I'll try to update each day if I can.
Monday, April 27, 2009
1st
Well... So now you'll read about my life. My life isn't as depressing as I make it seem. Some days are awesome! I hang out with 'friends', go to movies, actually have GOOD conversations with girls. But it seems like all of that has gone downhill over time...
I guess I'll start by telling you, briefly, about my life over the past few months. My best friend's ex-gf told me she liked me. In fact, LOVED me. And I loved her back. But of course, my 'friend' believes in the whole guy code thing. So, needless to say, she moved on, and I still like her. AND I like her friend, now. Both of them liked me at one point, but not anymore. That was Christmas break. Which was probably the happiest time of my life. I've never felt so loved and no one has ever payed that much attention to me.
My dad lost his job of 14 years. He's constantly depressed, but acts like he's happy. It's always awkward around my parents anymore. It used to be fun, but now all I see in them is how fat and uncool they are. That's mean, I know. I wish I could go back in time, 5 years ago, and change things. I wouldn't be so afraid to do the things I do now.
Somedays, I spend just hanging out in my room. The WHOLE day, whether or not I'm talking to people online or playing video games. I just hate the tension between my family.
My friends hate me. For no fucking reason either, it's like, what the hell have I done to you? If you hate me soo much, then why do you act like my best friend?
Well, there's so much more that I can talk about, but I'll save that for later.
I guess I'll start by telling you, briefly, about my life over the past few months. My best friend's ex-gf told me she liked me. In fact, LOVED me. And I loved her back. But of course, my 'friend' believes in the whole guy code thing. So, needless to say, she moved on, and I still like her. AND I like her friend, now. Both of them liked me at one point, but not anymore. That was Christmas break. Which was probably the happiest time of my life. I've never felt so loved and no one has ever payed that much attention to me.
My dad lost his job of 14 years. He's constantly depressed, but acts like he's happy. It's always awkward around my parents anymore. It used to be fun, but now all I see in them is how fat and uncool they are. That's mean, I know. I wish I could go back in time, 5 years ago, and change things. I wouldn't be so afraid to do the things I do now.
Somedays, I spend just hanging out in my room. The WHOLE day, whether or not I'm talking to people online or playing video games. I just hate the tension between my family.
My friends hate me. For no fucking reason either, it's like, what the hell have I done to you? If you hate me soo much, then why do you act like my best friend?
Well, there's so much more that I can talk about, but I'll save that for later.
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